Awkward Bathroom Situations

We discourage potty talk in our house, but forewarning….this post is full of it.  It all started last Friday.  A quiet morning that I had a couple of hours kid-free to get some blogging work done.  So I headed down to my neighborhood’s fabulous amenity, the Shady Grove Cottage. Y’all, I just love this place.

Free wi-fi, coffee, books and games.  And adults-only.  I use it about once a week and am usually the only person in there, so it’s easy for me to focus on what I really need to get done.  And it’s always nice to have free coffee at your fingertips while trying to work.Just Another Awkward Bathroom Post....So.  Last Friday, I had the place to myself.  I was banging out blog posts and updating Etsy and scheduling stuff you don’t care about.  I had been there about 45 minutes, when I hear a “noise” coming from the bathroom.

And I realize that I am NOT alone.  Someone had been in the bathroom the entire time I had been there!!!!!

So then I panicked.  At some point in time this person was going to have to come out and realize that I have been out here the entire time.  I’m not sure if you have ever pooped in public, but I feel like it’s embarrassing enough coming out of that stall immediately after, just to face anyone waiting their turn.  But this person had been in there for OVER 45 MINUTES.  And was going to come out and come face to face with ME!

So, after hearing some shuffling noises, I thought they might be finishing up.  I figured, if I could hear them, they could hear me too, right?  So I {just loud enough} cursed under my breath and made a noisy exit like I needed something from my car.

I sat in my car for over 5 minutes, texting about this dilemma to my sister Loo {who I knew would appreciate my conundrum}.  I watched the front door to the cottage….no one left.  But I couldn’t see the back door.  So I’m thinking that surely this person, {who maybe stayed in there so long because they were trapped and embarrassed?} would have jumped at the chance to sneak out that back.

So I headed back inside and settled back in to my workstation.  The bathroom door was closed and the fan was on.  How considerate of them to leave it that way.  Ten minutes later, I hear another noise….they were STILL in there!!!

I decided at this point that I had given them their chance to escape, and I refused to be embarrassed when they came out.  So I got back to work, highly distracted by now.

About 10 minutes after that, a guy comes out without making eye contact and heads out the back door.  He looks like he may be a worker for the housing developer maybe {and shouldn’t be using our amenities…}, but I let it slide.

But wouldn’t ya know it…about 3 minutes later, he’s back in the bathroom…without saying a word.  He’s in there for about a half an hour.  By then, I’d pretty much checked out of “work mode” because I was so concerned about this guys’ potty habits.  So I decided to pack it up, but right before I left….the toilet flushed, and the guy heads out the door again.

This time, I couldn’t help myself.  I know it’s gross, but I just had to check out the bathroom.  I’m picturing that scene in Dumb and Dumber….or the scene in There’s Something About Mary, and imagining all sorts of scenarios.  I figure at the very least, it should stink to high heaven, right?

But nothing!  No evidence of a struggle.  The toilet is still fully assembled.  And there is absolutely NO SMELL.

So, I never solved this guy’s potty predicament.  All I learned out of this awkward bathroom situation is that apparently his shit doesn’t stink!

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